You're alright mate! He's so friendly that even if I poke him like th....AAAARRGGHHH!!

Question: Is my Steve Irwin impression going to be considered inappropriate now that he is deceased?!

“He died doin’ what he loved best” said a friend this mornin’. I presume he was talking about f*ckin’ around wiv animals rather than getting stabbed thru the chest!

“Steve just loved stickin’ sharp things thru his chest, I suppose it was inevitable that he would hit his heart some day!”

Personally, I think it was an organised hit sorted out by the animal council. Much in the same way as Britain recently took over presidency of the European Union, the reptiles have in the last month seized control of the animal council.

The apes had expected another landslide victory in the animalections but suspicions arose as the marsupial vote switched suddenly to the Green right after the kidnapping of a koala by a boa constrictor. The fish vote has never been in doubt as 100% reptile, which has led to the rumours that are circulating today.
Stingrays have often been a favourite choice for any marine assassinations carried out by the reptiles. The last victim was Robert Maxwell who was killed when a stingray leapt aboard his yacht and after a brutal struggle plunged his poisonous tail into his fat neck before hopping overboard taking his kill with him.

It is believed that Maxwells body now stands in Neptune Square in the Bikini atoll, home of the marine parliament building as a warning to humans that the battle for the sea is not over yet. Many people protested when the French “tested” their nuclear weapons in the atoll. Of course we now know that were it not for this pre-emptive attack, the fish would have succeeded in their plan to smash all the main dams of the world, thus flooding all land leaving us at a severe disadvantage in the war of the world.

Steve Irwin was one of the main protagonists of this war, often going behind enemy lines to kidnap and question key players in the reptile hierarchy, quizzing them in his “zoo” (prison) and showing his dominance by constantly wrestling them for human amusement. The humiliation of former Reptile president – Lord Freshwater – was believed to have been the final straw. Both the Retiles and Fish governments have denied responsibility for the attack, but refuse to condemn those who planned and carried it out.

Legendary detectives Sharky and George have been handed the case. A statement from the pair said “We currently have a few witnesses to talk to, and of course we still have to carry out forensics on the wound. We are hopeful of capturing the assailant.”

The first officer on the scene was quoted as saying “There is definitely something a bit fishy about this.”

The case continues….