Twisted Vision

United Nations

2007-07-15T09:46:48Z

By the time I could think it all through the whole thing was over. My assailant had pinned me to a wall, pushed his bulbous forehead hard into mine and had rifled through my wallet. He had threatened to take me prisoner, touch me indecently and m...

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Nan's Labyrinth

2007-04-25T02:43:39Z

You know when you wanna talk about someone’s Nan but you have a sneaking suspicion that she might be dead. I hate that. It’s such a difficult situation ain’t it!? You’re never gonna keep tabs on whose Nan is dead and whose is alive are you! I ...

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SYCOPHANT OR SICK OF ANT?!?! YOU DECIDE!

2007-04-25T02:40:39Z

Oi!!! You!!!! In order for my clever title to work, I needed (according to the teachings of Buddha) to know what sycophant actually meant. Stupidly I entrusted this spot of dictionary-based research to the pant-wettingly moronic – Microsoft Wor...

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MY BRAIN TURNED INSIDE OUT AND PUBLISHED THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF THE INTERWEB

2007-04-25T02:36:52Z

What is it with ITV sports presenters and witches noses?!? Jim Rosethal and Gaby Logan have both got the most hooked noses ever!! Rumour has it that Gaby was seen using her conk down on the Rhine to fish for Carp, the only food that Andy Town...

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Twigg-let

2007-04-25T02:33:02Z

There is a woman in my office here who works for **...called ********...who is... basically... a freak. I don’t mean this in an overtly harsh way as it’s more of a statement of fact than an insulting tirade of abuse against a defenceless foe. I...

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You're alright mate! He's so friendly that even if I poke him like th....AAAARRGGHHH!!

2007-04-25T02:30:37Z

Question: Is my Steve Irwin impression going to be considered inappropriate now that he is deceased?! “He died doin’ what he loved best” said a friend this mornin’. I presume he was talking about f*ckin’ around wiv animals rather than getting...

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WHAT’S THAT COMING OVER THE HILL?

2007-04-25T02:23:17Z

Is it a monster!?! Is it a monster?! No, it’s a group of armed Islamic militants so hell bent on the destruction of the West that they’d gladly give their own lives in order to massacre a few meaningless Infidels! Oh right, well….just so lo...

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IT AIN’T WHAT YOU DO, IT’S THE WAY THAT YOU DO IT…

2007-04-25T02:20:50Z

…it ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it, it ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it, That’s what gets results!!! I beg to differ! I reckon this song could be misconstrued, by loonies, as suggesting that you should become the...

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START SPREADING THE NEWS…

2007-04-25T02:15:46Z

In my book it categorically states that Frank Sinatra is not, as the media would have us believe, dead but is in fact commanding Hezbollah militants in South Lebanon, funding Hamas terrorist cells in the Gaza Strip and slippin' his length to an...

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Mermen!!!! Here!!!!

2007-04-25T02:13:19Z

Hello fellow humans! Today is the day after Filmfour became a free channel on Sky, Telewest and Freeview. Last night I watched 'Lost In Translation' starring Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannson. I dunno whether any of you have seen it, but the...

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